第12章 Chapter 11 A Month Later: The Happiest Day Of My L

I was getting ready for diner when Julie came into my room. "You must wear your best dress this evening, Desiree," she said. "We have a very important guest." Joseph often has an important guest: an ambassador or a general or a member of parliament. They talk about wars or government business. Im tired of it all. I told Julie so. "I dont really want to meet Josephs guest," I said.

"Josephine is coming too," she replied. "Shes at Malmaison(A villa of Napoleon), her new house in the country. But shes coming into Paris especially for this dinner party. So you neednt listen to the men. You can talk to her and me." Julie went down and welcomed her guests. I followed later. I could hear Josephines high voice through the door. I opened it--- and then I just stood there. I couldnt go in.

A man was standing near the door. A very tall man in a dark blue cloak. I could only see his back, but I recognized that back at once. I wanted to run away. I couldnt. My legs wouldnt move. The rest of the family were looking at me. They were wondering why I didnt walk in. Then the tall man noticed their look. He turned round; and his eyes grew wide with surprise. My heart jumped. I couldnt breathe.

Julie said: "Come in, Desiree. Were waiting for you." At the same time Joseph took my arm and introduced me: "General Bernadotte, this is my wifes little sister, mademoiselle Desiree Clary." I was afraid to look at his face when he politely kissed my hand. And I didnt trust my voice, so I didnt say anything. Then I heard Joseph say:

"We were interrupted, general. What were you going to tell me?" "I---Im afraid I dont remember, Monsieur Bonaparte." Julie said: "Shall we sit down. General?" But General Bernadotte didnt move. "Shall we sit down?" she repeated. She went up to him and touched his arm. His thoughts were are away. Then he suddenly noticed her, and we took our seats at the dinner table.

He still didnt speak. I could see that he was trying to remember something. What had madame Tallien told him about Napoleons first love? A rich merchants daughter in Marseilles? Napoleon had promised to marry her, and he had broken his promise. Yes. That was it. He returned to Julie and asked: "How long has your sister been living in Paris? Your family home is in Marseilles, isnt it?"

The question surprised Julie. "My sister has only been here for a few months. Its her first visit to Paris. You like it, dont you, Desiree?" "Paris is a very beautiful city," I said. I was feeling uncomfortable. "Except when it rains," Bernadotte added. He was looking straight at my face.

Julie corrected him. "Even when it rains, " she said. "thats the mystery of Paris." "Youre quite right, madame," he agreed. "Strange things happen in Paris, even when it rains." Joseph didnt understand this at all. He wanted to talk about Napoleons war, not about the weather. Several times he tried to change the conversation; but the general didnt seem to hear him.

Then Josephine spoke. She had watched Bernadotte and me for several minutes. Shes a clever woman. She can feel the secret forces that are drawing a man and a woman together. And this isnt my first visit to Paris; she knows that very well. She gave him a strange little smile and said: "General Bernadotte, you arent married. Didnt you miss the help of a wife when you were our ambassador in Vienna?"

Bernadotte put down his knife and fork. "Indeed I did, my dear Josephine! I would like to be married. But what can I do?" Before Josephine could answer, Julie said: "Havent you found the right girl yet, general?" "Yes, madame, I found her. But then I lost her. And now ---" His eyes were begging me to help him. What could I say?

"And now," Josephine finished the sentence for him. "you must find her again, and you must ask her to marry you." Her advice seemed to give him courage. "Youre right, " he said. "I must ask her to marry me." He stood up. He pushed his chair back. And he turned to Joseph, and said: "Monsieur Bonaparte, I should like to marry your wifes sister, Medemoiselle Desiree Clary. Have I your permission?" A sudden silence filled the room. Or could everyone hear the sound of my heart? I stared at the white table cloth. I didnt dare to look up. At last Joseph spoke. "I dont quite understand, General Bernadotte. Do you really want to marry Desiree?" "I do." Again there was silence. "But youre only just met her," said Julie. "She doesnt know you." I looked up. "I should very much like to marry you. General Bernadotte!" Was that my voice? Everyone was staring at me. I jumped up and ran to the door. A moment later I was sitting on my bed. And I was crying like a child. Julie came in and put her arms around me. "You neednt marry him, Desiree. Dont cry. Please dont cry." "But I must cry, Julie. I must. Im so happy that I have to cry." When we went down, they had left the dinner table. They had taken the fruit and the wine to the sitting room. I sat on the sofa with Jean (I cant say Jean-Baptiste ---- its too long) and he filled my glass. Then he raised his own, and we drank together. And at last I dared to look into his eyes. Before he went home, he and I went into the garden. The fresh smell of spring filled the evening air, and the sky was full of stars. I cant put loves mystery into words.