第14章 Morning

-- Say youre frightened. Admit it. -- In Colorado, by the mountains. In California, by the sea. Everywhere, by breaking glass. -- Say youre frightened. Confess. -- Timid as a stag. Theyve got a meter wired to my sheet, I dont know what it measures. I get a dollar a night. When I wake suddenly, I notice its there. I watch my hand aging, sing a little song.

-- Were you invited to the party? -- Yes, I was. Stood there smiling. I thought, Those are tight pants, how kind of her. Wondered if she was orange underneath. What shall we do? Call up Mowgli? Ask him over? Do you like tongue? Sliced? With mushrooms? Is it a private matter? Is Scriabin as smart as he looks? This mans a fool -- why are you talking to him? Yes, his clothes are interesting, but inside are dull bones. -- This gray light, I dont see how you stand it. -- A firestorm of porn all around -- orange images, dunes and deserts. Bursts of quarreling through the walls. I wonder who the people are? I tried that Cuisine Minceur, didnt like it. Oh, it looks pretty --

-- Say youre frightened. -- Im frightened. By flutes and flower girls and sirens. We get a lot of sirens because of the hospital. By coffee, dead hanging plants, people who think too fast, vestments and bells. -- Get some Vitamin E. I take eight hundred units. -- The sound of glass breaking. I thought, Oh Christ, not again. The last time they got a bicycle, fancy Japanese bicycle somebodyd left in the hall. We changed the lock. Guy left his crowbar. Actually it wasnt a crowbar it was a jack handle.

-- Im not afraid of crime, theres got to be crime, its the manner or mode that -- I mean if they could just take it out of your bank account, by punching a few buttons or something. . . -- Im not afraid of snakes. There was a snake-handling bunch where we spent the summers. I used to go to their meetings now and again, do a little handling.

-- Not afraid of the mail, not so much as I used to be, all those threatening letters, I just say sticks and stones, sticks and stones, see the triage nurse. -- Its only when you stop to think about it. I dont stop. -- Not afraid of hurricanes because we used to have them, where I lived, not afraid of tarantulas, used to have them too, they jump, have to chop them up with a hoe, long-handled hoe as opposed to the stoop hoe, by preference.

-- Nature in general not seen as antipathetic. Nor are other people, except for those who want to slap your ears back without first presenting their carefully reasoned, red-white-and-blue threats. -- Behavior in general a wonderful sea, in which we can swim, or leap, or stumble. -- She got out of bed and, doing a cute little walk, walked to the bathroom. I dreaded the day I would see her real walk.

-- Theres the sunset gun. That means we can loosen up and get friendly. Think we can get any of that government money? -- I sent for the forms. Merrily merrily merrily merrily. -- Think we can get us some of that good per diem? -- If you decide to run for it a bus is better. No ones seated facing you. Theyve got bigger windows now, and the drivers are usually reliable.

-- Well thats one thing I want to stay away from. Flight, I mean. Too much like defeat. -- But when I get to all these strange places they seem empty. Nobody on the streets and Im not used to that. Their restaurants all have the same things: filet, surf n turf, prime rib. Spend a few days in a hotel and then check out, leaving a dollar or two for the maids.

-- Turkeying around trying to get situated. -- Searching the room for someone to go to bed with. What if she agrees? -- Thats happened to me several times. You just have to be honest. -- The love of gain is insatiable. This is true. -- What are you afraid of? Mornings, noons, or nights? -- Mornings. I send out a lot of postcards.

-- Take a picture of this exceptionally dirty window. Its grays. I think I can get you a knighthood, I know a guy. What about the Eternal Return? -- Distant, distant, distant. Thanks for calling Jim it was good to talk to you. -- They played "One Oclock Jump," "Two OClock Jump," "Three OClock Jump," and "Four OClock Jump." They were very good. I saw them on television. Theyre all dead now.

-- That scare you? -- Naw that doesnt scare me. -- That scare you? -- Naw that doesnt scare me. -- What scares you? -- My hand scares me. Its not well. -- Hear that? Thats wolf talk. Not bad is it? -- Scarcely had I reloaded when a black rhinoceros, a female as it proved, stood drinking at the water. -- Let me give you a hint: Find me one animal that is capable of personal friendship. -- So I decided it was about time we got gay. I changed the record, that helped, and fiddled with the lights -- -- Call up Bomba the Jungle Boy? Get his input? -- Fixed up the Kool-Aid with some stuff I had with me. Complicated the decor with carefully placed items of lawn furniture, birdbaths, sundials, mirrored globes on stands. . . -- That set toes to tapping, did it? -- They were pleased. We danced Inventions & Sinfonias. It wasnt bad. It was a success. -- It is this that the new portraits are intended to celebrate. -- Then, out of another chute, the bride appeared, caracoling and sunfishing across the arena. -- I knew her. I was very fond of her. I am very fond of her. I wish them well. -- As do I. Shes brave. -- Think we can get some of that fine grant money? -- If we can make ourselves understood. If I applaud, the actors understand that I am pleased. If I take a needle and singe it with a match, you understand that I have picked up a splinter in my foot. If I say "Have any of the English residents been murdered?," you understand that I am cognizant of native unrest. If I hand you two copies of a thesis bound in black cloth, you understand that I am trying to improve myself. Appeals to patriotism, small-boat warnings up. -- Say youre frightened. -- Im frightened. But maybe not tomorrow. -- Well thats one thing I want to stay away from. You can get mad instead. I got mad, really got mad. -- Put-on anger. A technique of managers. -- Got so mad I coulda bit a chisel in two. -- And very graciously. Skin of dreams, paint marks, red scratches, grass stains. We watched 60 Minutes. Fed on ixias, wild garlic, the core of aloes, gum of acacias. Shes gone now, took an early plane. How do I feel? OK -- Another bright glorious day. How do you feel? Have you tried to get a drink on one of these new trains? Its as easy as pie. Have you got anything we could put over the windows? Tarpaper or maybe some boards? Do you want to hear "The Battle Hymn of the Republic"? Is there any more of this red? -- Jugs and jugs. Two weeks would do it, two weeks in a VW Rabbit. -- Going home. -- No, thank you. -- Youre afraid of it? -- Indeed, do I still live? -- What are you afraid of? -- One old man alone in a room. Two old men alone in a room. Three old men alone in a room. -- Well maybe you could talk to them or something. -- And say: Howdy, have you heard about pleasure, have you heard about fun? Lets go out and bust up a bar, its been a long time. What are you up to, what are your plans? Still lifting weights? Ive been screwing all night, how bout you? "You please me, happiness!" -- Well I dont think about this stuff a lot of the time. -- Humility is barefoot, Lewdness is physically attractive and holds a sprig of colewort, the Hour is a wheel, and Courage is strangling a lion, by shoving a mailed fist down its throat. -- How did the party end? -- I wasnt there. Got to scat, I said, got to get away, got to creep, its that time of night. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, bless the bed that I lie on. -- Say youre frightened. -- Less and less. I have a smoke detector and tickets to everywhere. I have a guardian angel blind from birth and a packet of Purple-top White Globe turnip seeds, for the roof. -- Want to see my collection of bass clarinets? Want to see my collection of painters ears? This gray light, I dont see how you stand it. -- I grayed it up myself. Sets off the orange. -- A fine person. Took the Fire Department exam and passed it. Thats just one example. -- All women are mortal, she explained to me, and Caius is a woman. -- Say youre not frightened. Inspire me. -- After a while, darkness, and they give up the search.