第6章 Chapter 6

Love is Dangerous 31 October 1969 am in Meditation Camp at Dwarka, Gujarat, India Question 1 A FRIEND HAS ASKED: WHY SHOULD WE THINK OF DEATH AT ALL? WE HAVE LIFE, LET US LIVE IT. LET US LIVE IN THE PRESENT. WHY DO WE BRING IN THE THOUGHT OF DEATH? He has asked the right thing. But his very asking, "Why bring in the idea of death?" or "Lets just live and not even think of death" shows in itself that even he cannot escape thinking about death.

Death is such an enormous fact it cannot be ignored; although throughout our lives we try not to think of death -- not because death is not worth thinking about, but because the very thought of it is terrifying. The very idea that "I will die" sends chills up our spines. Of course, it will shake you up while dying; but even before that, if this idea takes hold of your mind, it will shake you to your very roots.

Man has always tried to forget about death, he has tried not to think about it. We have managed our entire system of life in such a way that death should not become visible. All mans efforts and plans towards falsifying death seem to be succeeding, but they never are successful -- because death is there.

How will you escape from it? Where will you escape? Even running away from it, you are ultimately going to run into it. No matter where you escape, no matter which direction you take, eventually you are going to end up there. Every day it approaches nearer -- whether you think about it or not, whether you escape from it or not.

One can never run away from a fact. It is not that death is something which will happen in the future, so why think about it now? This too is a misapprehension. Death will not happen in the future -- death is already happening every moment. Although it will come to its completion in the future, it is actually taking place every moment.

We are dying this very moment. If we sit here for an hour, we will be dead one hour. It may take seventy years for us to die completely, nevertheless this one hour will be a part of it. During this one hour we will be dying too. It is not that after seventy years one dies all of a sudden; death never occurs instantaneously.

It is not a sudden event; it is a growth that begins with birth. In fact, birth constitutes one end of death, and death constitutes the other end. This journey begins with birth. What we call the birthday is actually the first day of death. It will take time, but the journey will continue.

For example, a man sets out from Dwarka for Calcutta. The very first step he takes will be as much to reach Calcutta as his last step. The final step will be as instrumental in bringing him to Calcutta as the initial step. And if the initial step cant bring him to Calcutta, the last step cannot either.

This means that when he took his first step towards Calcutta, he began to reach Calcutta. With each step Calcutta drew nearer and nearer. You may perhaps say he took six months to arrive at Calcutta, but the fact is that it is only because he had started to arrive six months ago that he could arrive six months later.

The second thing I would like to say to you is: dont think that death is somewhere in the future, death is present every moment. And what is future? It is the sum total of all of our presents. We keep on adding to it. It is just like when we heat water. At the first degree the water warms up, but it hasnt turned into steam yet.

And the same is the case when it heats up two degrees. The water will turn into steam when it heats to a hundred degrees; however, it started moving closer to becoming steam at the first degree, and then at the second, and the third and so on. But even when its at ninety-nine degrees the water does not turn into steam; that will only happen when it reaches one hundred. Has it ever occurred to you that the hundredth degree is also a degree, just as the first degree is also a degree? The journey from the ninety-ninth degree to the hundredth degree is the same as from the first to the second degree; there is no difference. So the one who knows will warn you at the very first degree that the water will turn into steam -- although you never see water turning into steam anywhere. Of course, he may say the water is heating up, but where is it turning into steam? We can delude ourselves up to the ninety-ninth degree that the water is still not turning into steam, but at the hundredth degree it is bound to become steam. Each degree will keep bringing the boiling point closer. Hence, it is meaningless to try to save yourself from death, or to postpone it by saying that death is in the future. Death is happening every moment; we are dying every day. In fact, there is virtually no difference between what we call living, and dying. What we call living is just another name for dying gradually. I dont say think about the future, I say watch what is already happening now. I am not asking you to think, even. This friend has asked, "Why think of death?" I dont say to think. Thinking will lead you nowhere. Remember this: no fact can ever be known by thinking. Actually, thinking is a tactful means of falsifying facts. Looking at a flower, if you begin thinking about it you will never know the flower, because the more you move into thinking about it, the further it will be removed from you. You will move ahead in your thoughts while the flower will remain lying there. What has the flower to do with what you are thinking? A flower is a fact. If you want to know a flower, dont think about it -- look at the flower. There is a difference between thinking and seeing -- and the difference is significant. The West puts great emphasis on thinking. Thats why they have named their science of thinking philosophy. Philosophy means conceptual thinking. We have named the same science darshan. Darshan means to see; darshan does not mean thinking. This needs to be understood a little. We have called it darshan while they have called it philosophy, and there is a fundamental difference between the two. Those who take philosophy and darshan to be synonymous know nothing. They are not synonymous. Thats why theres nothing like Indian philosophy and nothing like Western darshan. The West has a science of thinking -- it consists of investigation, logic, analysis. The East cared for something else. The East has experienced that there are certain facts which can never be known by thinking about them. These facts will have to be seen, will have to be lived. And there is an enormous difference between living and thinking. A man who thinks about love may perhaps write a thesis on it, but a lover lives it, sees it; its possible he may not be able to write a thesis. And if someone asks a lover to say something about love, he may close his eyes, tears may start rolling down his cheeks, and he might say, "Please dont ask. What can I say about love?" One who has thought about love will explain it for hours, but he may not even know one iota of love. Thinking and seeing are two altogether different processes. So I am not saying you should think about death. You can never know death by thinking about it. You will have to see it. What I am saying is: here is death, right now within you, and you have to see it. What I call the I is dying all the time. This phenomenon of death will have to be seen, this phenomenon of death will have to be lived, this phenomenon of death, that "I am dying, I am dying," will have to be accepted. We try our best to falsify death; we have invented a thousand ways to falsify it. Of course we can dye our white hair, but that does not prove death a lie -- it invariably comes. Even underneath the dyed color the hair is still white. They are the indications that death has started approaching, that it is sure to come. How can we falsify it? No matter how much we go on falsifying it, it makes no difference -- it is approaching, non-stop. The only difference is that we can fail to know it. What I am asking is: how will one who hasnt even known death yet know what life is? My point is: death is on the circumference; life is at the center. If we dont even know the circumference, how will we ever know the center? And if we run away from the circumference, we will never reach closer to the center. If you become frightened of the walls that make up the outer limits of a house, and escape, how will you ever enter the inner dwelling? Death is the periphery and life is the temple at the center of it. By running away from the periphery, we also run away from life. One who comes to know death will, by and by, uncover it and begin to understand life as well. Death is the gateway to knowing life. Eluding death is eluding life as well. So when I say "Know death," recognize the facts -- I am not asking you to think. There is one more interesting thing that needs to be understood. Thinking means to repeat, in the mind, what we already know. Thinking is never original -- although we ordinarily say that such-and-such a persons thoughts are highly original. No, thought is never original. Thoughts can never be original. Darshan, seeing, can be original. Thoughts are always stale. If I ask you to think about this roseflower, what will you think? You will simply reiterate what you already know about a rose. What else would you do? What else can you do with thinking? Could even one single unheard-of and original viewpoint about a rose ever appear in your thoughts? How can it? Thinking is nothing but reiterating a thought. You may say, "The roseflower is very beautiful," but how many times have you heard this before? How many times have you read this before? Or you may say, "The roseflower is just as beautiful as the face of my beloved. " How many times have you heard this before too? How many times have you read it before? Or you may say, "The flower is very fresh" -- but this too, how many times have you heard or read it before? What good are thoughts? How will you be able to enter the being of that roseflower by thinking about it? Thinking can only lead you into whatsoever is in your memory about a rose. Thats why thinking is never original. There can never be an original thinker -- only seers are original. The first condition in looking at a roseflower is that the person looking at it should not think. He should remove thoughts from his memory; he should become empty, and live in that moment with the flower. Let the roseflower be on one side and you be on the other, and let there be no one between you -- nothing youve ever heard, nothing youve ever read, nothing youve ever known. Nothing youve ever experienced should be in between. No one should be between you two. Only then, the unknown seated within the rose will begin to enter your being. Finding no hindrance in between, it will enter, and then you wont feel you want to know the rose, you will feel you are one with the rose. Then you will know the flower from its interiority. A seer penetrates inside an object, while a thinker hovers around it on the outside -- and therefore a thinker has no achievement of his own; only a seer enjoys achievement. A seer penetrates within because there remains no wall between him and the object before him -- the wall crumbles, disappears. Once Kabir asked his son Kamal to go to the forest and bring some hay for their cattle. Kamal went as he was told. It was morning when he left, but when the sun was overhead and Kamal had not yet returned, Kabir became worried. And even by the waning hours of afternoon there was no sign of Kamal. Kabir grew even more worried. Soon it was evening and the sun was about to set, so finally, accompanied by a few of his devotees, Kabir set out in search of Kamal. When they reached the forest they found Kamal standing in the middle of the thick grass, his eyes closed, swaying like a blade of grass in the breeze. Kabir went over, shook him, and asked, "What are you doing here?" Kamal opened his eyes. He came to himself, realized what had happened, and immediately apologized. Kabir said, "But what have you been doing for so long? Its so late!" Kamal answered, "I am sorry, but when I came here, instead of cutting the grass I began to look at it. And just looking at it continuously, I dont know when, but I also became a blade of grass. Soon it was evening, and here I was, completely oblivious that I am Kamal who has come here to cut grass. I became the grass itself. There was so much joy in being the grass, joy that, being Kamal, I never had before. Its good you came, because I didnt know what was happening. The breeze was not moving the grass, the breeze was moving me -- the cutter and that which was to be cut had both disappeared. " Have you ever seen your wife, your son, with whom you have lived for so many years? Have you ever seen them? The things your wife did yesterday flash through your mind -- and a thought comes in between you and her. You recall how she quarreled when you were about to leave for the office in the morning -- and again the thought is present between you. What she said at the dinner table comes back to you -- and the thought stands between you. You have always thought, you have never seen. And thats the reason there is no relationship between husband and wife, between father and son, between mother and son. Relationship happens where thought is no more and where darshan, seeing, has begun. That is really when a relationship takes place, because then no one exists to disrupt it. Remember, a relationship does not mean there is a third factor binding the two. As long as there is something in between to bind the two, the disrupter is also present. That which binds also breaks. The day nothing exists to bind, when only two remain, when nothing remains in between, that day what actually remains is only one; then there are not two. A relationship does not mean we are joined with somebody, a relationship means that now nothing exists between you and the other person, there is no one in between -- not even to join you. There, the two streams disappear and merge into each other. This is love. Seeing leads you into love; seeing is the source of love. And one who has not loved has never known anything. No matter what a man may have set out to know, he has only known it through love. So when I say death has to be known, I mean we will have to love death as well. We will have to see death. But the man who is afraid of death, who is eluding it -- how can he love death, how can he have its darshan, how can he ever see death? When death appears before him, he turns his back on it. He shuts his eyes; he never lets death appear before him, face-to-face. He is afraid, he is frightened; thats why he is unable to see death at all, nor is he able to love it. And the man who hasnt been able to love death yet, how will he ever love life? -- because death is a very superficial event and life is a far deeper phenomenon. One who turned away from the very first step, how will he ever reach the deep waters of the well? Thats why I say death will have to be lived, it will have to be known, it will have to be seen. You will have to fall in love with it; you will have to look into its eyes. And as soon as a man looks into deaths eyes, begins to watch it, penetrate into it, he feels astounded. To his great amazement, he realizes, "What a great mystery lies hidden in death! What I knew as death and kept running away from, actually conceals within itself the source of supreme life. " Hence I say to you: enter into death willingly so that you may reach life. There is an incredible saying of Jesus. Jesus has said, "The one who will save himself will perish; and the one who will efface himself -- no one can ever destroy him. One who will lose himself shall find, and one who will save himself shall be lost. " If a seed wishes to save itself, it will rot -- what else? And if a seed annihilates itself in the earth, disappears, it will become a tree. The death of the seed becomes life for the tree. If the seed were to protect itself by saying, "I am scared. I could die. I dont want to disappear. Why should I disappear?" then the seed is bound to rot. In that case, it will not even remain a seed, let alone grow into a tree. We shrink with fear of death. I would like to say one more thing that may not have occurred to you before. Only one who is afraid of death has ego, because ego means a constricted personality, a solid knot. One who has fear of death shrinks within. Anyone in fear has to shrink inside, and whatever shrinks turns into a knot. A complex is created inside the person. The feeling of I is the feeling of a man afraid of death. The man who penetrates death, who is not afraid of death, who does not run away from it, who begins to live it -- his I disappears, his ego disappears. And when the ego disappears only life remains. We can put it this way: only the ego dies, not the soul. But since we continue to remain egos, a great difficulty is created. In fact, only the ego can die; only the ego has a death -- because it is false. It will have to die. But we are holding on to it. For example, a wave rises in an ocean. If the wave wants to survive as a wave, it cannot; it is bound to die. How can a wave survive as a wave? It will die. Unless, of course, it becomes ice. If it contracts, becomes solid, then it can survive. But still, in that sort of survival the wave is no more and the ice remains -- ice which is a wave, closed, broken away from the ocean. Remember, as a wave it is not apart from the ocean, it is one with the ocean. As ice, it parts from the ocean, it separates, it becomes solid. In it, the wave has contracted; it has become frozen. As a wave it was one with the ocean; however, if it becomes a chunk of ice it will survive, of course, but then it will be cut off from the ocean. And how long will it survive in that state? Whatsoever is frozen will undoubtedly melt. A poor wave will melt a little sooner, while a rich wave will take a little longer -- what else? The sunrays will take a little longer to melt a big wave, while a smaller wave will melt sooner. It is only a question of time, but melting is bound to happen. The wave will melt and it will make a big hue and cry, because as soon as it melts it will disappear. But if the wave, by falling back into the ocean, were to make itself cease to exist as separate, if it were to come to know that it is in fact the ocean, then there wouldnt be any question of the waves disappearing. Then whether it disappears or remains, it still exists -- because it knows that "I am not a wave, I am the ocean. " When it disappears as a wave, it still exists -- in a state of rest. When it rises, it is in a state of activity. And resting is no less enjoyable than being active. In fact, it is even more enjoyable. There is a state of activity and there is a state of rest. What we call samsara, the world, is the state of activity, and what we call moksha, liberation, is the state of rest. It is like a restless wave which crashes against the wind and wrestles with it, and then it falls back into the ocean and disappears. It still exists. Whatever it was before in the ocean, it is now still the same, but it is at rest. However, if a wave were to assert itself as a wave, it would be filled with ego, and then it would want to break itself away from the ocean. Once you get the idea that "I am," then how can you be with the rest of the all? If you choose to be with the all, then the I is lost. Thats why the I insists, "Break away from the all. " And how interesting it is, that breaking away from the whole makes you miserable. And then, once again, the "I" says, "Relate with the all" -- such is the tortuous way of the "I". First the "I" says, "Break yourself away from the all, isolate yourself; you are different from the whole. How can you remain connected?" So the "I" snaps itself away; but then it gets into trouble -- because, as soon as the "I" separates from the all, it becomes miserable; its end approaches. As soon as the wave comes to believe it is separate from the ocean, it begins to die, its death comes nearer. Now it will fall into the struggle to protect itself from death. As long as it was one with the ocean, there was no death at all -- because the ocean never dies. Remember, an ocean can be without a wave but a wave cannot exist without the ocean. You cannot conceive of a wave without the ocean -- the ocean will be present in the wave. The ocean, however, can exist without a wave. When they are an integral part of the ocean, all waves exist in peace and rest. But the moment a wave strives to save itself from the ocean, difficulties arise -- it cuts itself off from the ocean and its death begins. This is the reason one who is to die wants to love. The reason all of us, who are going to die, are so eager to love is that love is the obvious means to connect. Thats why no one wants to live without love and be miserable. Everyone is seeking love: somebody wants to receive your love, somebody wants to give you love. And for the man who does not find love it becomes a problem. But have we ever wondered what the meaning of love is? Love means an attempt to reconstruct, once again, by putting different parts together, the relationship we have broken off with the whole. So one kind of love is the one where we attempt to rebuild our lost relationship with the whole by adding parts. This is what we call love. And there is another kind of love where we have stopped our attempts to break away from the whole. That is called prayer. Hence, prayer is absolute love. And this carries a totally different meaning. It does not mean that we are attempting to integrate the fragments; it means we have stopped breaking ourselves away from the whole. The wave has declared, "I am the ocean," and now it is not attempting to connect itself with each and every other wave. Remember, the wave itself is dying, and the other waves nearby are dying too. If this wave tries to relate with other waves, it will get into trouble. Thats why our so-called love is very painful, because it is a wave trying to relate with another wave. This wave and the other wave are both dying, and yet they get into a relationship with each other in the hope that by joining with each other they perhaps may save themselves. Thats why we turn love into security. So man is afraid to live alone. One wants a wife, a husband, a son, a mother, a brother, a friend, a society, an organization, a nation. These are all endeavors of the ego; these are attempts by one who has broken himself away from it, to unite once again with the whole. But all these efforts to unite are invitations to death -- because the one with whom you are forming a union is as much surrounded by death, as much surrounded by the ego The funny thing is that the other wants to become immortal by uniting with you, and you want to become immortal by uniting with the other. And the fact is that both of you are going to die. How can you become immortal? Such a union will double death; it will certainly not turn it into an elixir. Two lovers long so much for their love to become immortal -- they sing songs day and night. For eternity poems have been written about love becoming immortal. How can two people who are going to die desire immortality together? A union of two such people only makes death twice as real and nothing else. What else can it be? And both are melting, sinking, fading away; thats why they are frightened, worried. The wave has created its own organization. It says, "I have to survive. " It has created nations; it has created Hindu-Mohammedan sects -- waves creating their own organizations. And the fact of the matter is that all these organizations are going to disappear -- the ocean below is the only organization. And the organization of the ocean is a totally different thing. Belonging to it does not mean the wave joins itself with the ocean; rather, it means the wave knows that "I am not at all different from the ocean. " And so I say that a religious man does not belong to any organization -- he neither holds to a family, nor does he own a friend, a father or a brother. Jesus has spoken some very strong words. In fact, only those who have attained to love can speak such strong words; people weak in love cannot utter them. One day Jesus was standing in the market surrounded by a crowd. His mother, Mary, came to see him. People began to make way for her. Somebody from the crowd shouted, "Make way, make room for Jesus mother. Let her come. " When Jesus heard him, he said in a loud voice, "If you are giving way to Jesus mother, then dont do it, because Jesus doesnt have a mother. " Mary stopped, stood there in shock. Addressing the crowd, Jesus said, "As long as you have a mother, a father, a brother, you wont be able to come close to me. " This is being very harsh. We cant even imagine a person like Jesus, so full of love, can utter such words as, "I have no mother. Who is my mother?" So Mary stood there in shock. Jesus went on, "Do you call this woman my mother? I have no mother. And remember, if you still have a mother, then you wont be able to come near me. " What seems to be the matter? The question is that if a wave is attempting to unite with another wave, it wont be able to come close to the ocean. Waves, in fact, unite with each other and create an organization mainly to save themselves from the ocean. On its own a wave feels more frightened that it may disappear, that it may really disappear. But the truth is, it is already disappearing. Yet when a few waves gather together they feel more reassured -- some sort of organization is created; a crowd is created. Thats why man likes to live in a crowd; he feels afraid if he is left alone. In its loneliness a wave is left totally by itself -- slipping away, falling away, vanishing, close to disappearing, feeling alienated on both sides -- the ocean on one, the rest of the waves on the other. Hence it creates an organization, it creates a chain. The father says, "I will disappear, but it doesnt matter -- I will leave my son behind. " The wave says, "Ill disappear, but Ill leave a little wave -- it will survive after me, the chain will continue, my name shall remain. " Thats why a father feels unhappy if he doesnt have a son -- it means he couldnt arrange his immortality. He will of course be gone, but he wants to create another wave which will continue further on, which will at least identify the wave it came from. So its all right for the former wave to disappear -- it leaves another one behind. You may or may not have noticed that people who are engaged in a creative activity -- a painter, a musician, a poet, a writer -- are not too concerned with having sons, simply because they have found a substitute. Their paintings will survive, their poetry will survive, their sculptures will survive; they dont care about having a son. Thats why scientists, painters, sculptors, writers and poets are not overly concerned with having sons. There is no other reason except that they have found a different kind of son. They have created a wave which will remain long after they are gone. Actually, they have found a son that will last even longer than yours, because even when your son has disappeared, the writers book will still remain. A writer doesnt care much about having a son, about having an offspring. This does not mean, however, that he is carefree; it simply means he has found a long-lasting wave; he stops worrying about smaller waves. Hence he is not interested in having a family; he has created a different kind of family. He is also striving for the same degree of immortality. So he will say, "Money will be lost, wealth will be lost, but my work, my scripture will survive" -- and that is precisely what he wants. But scriptures also become lost. No scripture lasts forever, although of course it lasts a little longer. Who knows how many scriptures have already been lost, and how many get lost everyday. Everything will be lost. In fact, in the world of waves, no matter to what extent a wave may prolong itself, ultimately it is bound to be lost. To be a wave means to face extinction -- prolonging makes no difference. So if you look upon yourself as a wave you will want to avoid death -- you will remain afraid, scared. I say to you: look at death -- neither should you avoid it nor be afraid of it, nor run away from it. Look at it. And just by looking at it you will find that what seemed like death from this end, as you enter into it a little, the same thing turns out to be life. Then the wave becomes the ocean; its fear of extinction disappears. Then it doesnt want to become frozen ice. Then, for whatever time it has, it dances in the sky, rejoices under the rays of the sun, is happy. And when it falls back into the ocean, it is equally happy in its state of rest. Thus it is happy in life, it is happy in death -- because it knows that "that which is" is never born nor does it ever die. That which is, is; only forms keep changing. We are all waves risen above the ocean of consciousness. Some of us have turned into ice -- most of us have. The ego is like ice, as hard as a rock. How amazing it is that a fluid like water can become hard like ice and rock. If a desire to freeze arises in us, the consciousness, otherwise so simple and fluid, freezes and becomes an ego. We are all filled with desire to freeze, and so we employ many kinds of means to see how we can become frozen, solidified. There are laws under which water turns into ice, and there are also laws which cause the formation of the ego. Water has to cool in order to become ice, it has to lose its heat, it has to turn cold. The colder it gets, the harder it becomes. The man who wants to create ego has to become cold as well; he has to lose his warmth. Thats why we say "a warm welcome. " A welcome is always warm; a cold welcome has no meaning. Love means warmth; a cold love carries no meaning. Love is never cold, it contains warmth. Actually, life is sustained by warmth; death is cold, below zero. Thats why the sun is the symbol of life, the sun is the symbol of warmth. When it rises in the morning, death departs; everything becomes warm and hot. The flowers bloom and the birds begin to sing. Warmth is the symbol of life, cold is the symbol of death. So one who wants to create an ego has to become cold, and in order to become cold he has to lose all those things which give warmth. He has to lose everything that gives warmth to his being. For example, love gives warmth, hatred brings coldness. So for the sake of the ego, one has to give up love and cling to hatred. Mercy and sympathy bring warmth; cruelty and ruthlessness bring cold. Just as there are laws for the freezing of water, there are laws for the freezing of human consciousness. The same law works: keep on becoming cold. Sometimes we say that such-and-such a person is very cold -- there is no warmth in him; he becomes hard like a rock. And remember, the warmer a person is the more simple he is. Then his life has a liquidity that enables him to flow into others and allows others to flow into him. A cold person becomes hard, unable to flow, closed from all sides. No one can enter into him, nor can he enter into anyone. The ego is like frozen ice and love is like water, fluid, flowing. The man who is afraid of death will run away from it. He will go on freezing, because that fear that he may die, that he may disappear, will make him contract -- and his ego will remain, growing harder, stronger. I was a guest at a friends house for a few days. He is quite rich, with a great deal of property. But I was puzzled about one thing: he would never speak kindly to anyone; otherwise he was a good man. I was very puzzled to see that inwardly he was very soft, but very hard on the outside. The servant trembled before him, his son trembled before him, his wife was scared to face him. People thought about it a good deal before they called on him. Even when they came to his door they hesitated to ring the bell, wondering whether they should go in or not. When I stayed with him and came to know him closely, I asked him what all this was about. I said, "As such, you are a very simple man. " He said, "I am very scared. It is dangerous to form a relationship, because if you form a relationship with somebody then sooner or later he starts asking for money. If you remain courteous and loving to your wife, the expenditures shoot up. If you dont remain stiff with your son, his pocket money goes on increasing. If you talk to your servant gently, he also tries to behave like a boss. " So a solid wall of coldness had to be erected all around -- that would scare the wife, that would scare the son. How many fathers have done this? The truth of the matter is that there is hardly any home where the father and the son meet each other lovingly. The son goes to the father when he needs money, the father goes to the son when he wants to give him a sermon; otherwise the two dont meet, the meeting never happens. There is no meeting point between a father and a son. The father is afraid, and he has surrounded himself with a solid wall. The son is also afraid; he sneaks by his father. There is no harmony anywhere between the two. The more a person is afraid, the more he worries about his security, the more solid he becomes. There is great danger in being fluid, there is insecurity in it. This is the reason we are afraid of falling in love. Only after we have scrutinized the person and become totally reassured do we ever fall in love. That means, first we make sure there is no cause for danger from the person, then we fall in love. Thats why we invented marriages -- first we marry, first we take all the necessary measures, then we fall in love -- because love is dangerous. Love is fluid, a man might find his way into anyone. It is dangerous to fall in love with a stranger; he may sneak off at night with all your valuables! So first we make absolutely certain who the man is, what he does, where his parents are from, how his character is, what his qualities are. We take all the measures, we take the full social precautions; only then do we accept the individual in marriage. We are a frightened people; we want to make everything secure first. The more we secure ourselves, the harder and colder the wall of ice is all around us, and it shrinks our entire being. Our separation from God has happened because of one reason alone: we are not liquid, we have become solid. This is the only cause of separation: we are not flowing, we have become like blocks; we are not like water, we are like frozen ice. Once we become fluid-like, the separation will no longer exist; but we will only become fluid-like when we agree to see and to live death, when we accept that death exists. Once we have seen and recognized that death exists, why should there be any fear? When death is surely there, when the wave knows for certain she is bound to disappear; if the wave has found out that birth itself contains death, if the wave has come to know that its disintegration began the very moment it was created, the matter is finished. Now why turn into ice? Then it will accept being a wave as long as it has to be, and it will accept being the ocean as long as it has to be. Thats it! The matter is over! Then everything is accepted. In that acceptance the wave becomes the ocean. Then all worry over its disappearance is gone, because then the wave knows it existed before its extinction and it will continue to exist even after it has vanished -- not as the I, but as the boundless ocean. When Lao Tzu was about to die, somebody asked him to reveal a few secrets of his life. Lao Tzu said, "The first secret is: no one has ever defeated me in my life. " Hearing this, the disciples became very excited. They said, "You never told us this before! We also wish to be victorious. Please show us the trick. " Lao Tzu answered, "You made a mistake. You heard something different. I said no one could ever defeat me, and you are saying you too want to be victorious. The two things are totally opposite, although they look similar in meaning. In the dictionary, in the world of language, it has one meaning -- that a person who has not faced defeat is victorious. I simply said no one could defeat me, while you are talking about becoming victorious. Get out of here! You will never understand what I am saying. The disciples pleaded, "Even so, please explain to us. Please show us the technique. How were you never defeated?" Lao Tzu said, "No one could defeat me because I always remained defeated. There is no way to defeat a defeated man. I was never defeated because I never wished for victory. In fact, no one could pick a fight with me. If anyone ever came to challenge me he found me already defeated, so he couldnt have any fun defeating me. The joy is in defeating one who desires to be victorious. What fun can there be in defeating someone who doesnt even want to win?" Actually, it gives us pleasure to destroy somebodys ego because doing so strengthens our own. But if a man has already effaced himself, what fun can there be in destroying such a person? Our ego wouldnt get any kick out of it. The more we succeed in breaking the others ego, the stronger ours becomes. The others broken ego becomes the strength of our own. But the ego of this man we are talking about is already broken. For example, you go out to defeat a man, and before you knock him down he lays himself down on the ground; and before you sit on him he invites you and lets you sit on him. What will your state be then? You would want to run away from there! What else could you do? People watching would laugh and say, "Go on, sit on him; sit comfortably. Why are you running away?" Who would look stupid, the one who sat on the man, or the man who kept laughing and whose laughter resounded throughout your life? So whenever somebody went to challenge this man, he would immediately lie down on the ground and say, "Come on, sit on me. You have come for that, havent you? So go ahead. Dont take too much trouble, dont bother too much; theres no need to exert yourself -- just come and sit on me. " Lao Tzu went on to say, "But you are asking something else. You want me to tell you the technique of winning. If you think of winning, you will lose. One who harbors the thought of winning is always the loser. In fact, defeat begins with the very idea of victory. " And Lao Tzu said further, "And no one has ever been able to insult me. " "Please tell us its secret also, because we do not like to be insulted either," a disciple said. "Once again you are making a mistake. No one could insult me because I never desired honor. You will always be insulted because you are filled with the desire for recognition. I was never kicked out from any place, because I always sat near the entrance where people remove their shoes. I was never asked to move from a place because I always stood at the end, where no one could push me further back. I was very happy to be at the end; it saved me from all sorts of trouble. No one ever forced me out of there or pushed me aside; nor did anyone say, Get lost! because that was the last place. There was no place beyond that. No one ever wanted to be in that spot. I was the lord of my own place; I have always been the lord of my own place. Where I stood, no one ever came to throw me out. " Jesus also says, "Blessed are those who are ready to stand in the last row. " What does this mean? For example, Jesus says, "If a man slaps your right cheek, offer him the left. " What this means is: dont even give him the trouble of turning your other cheek -- you do it for him. Jesus says, "When someone comes to defeat you, be defeated readily. If he makes you lose one round, lose two instead. " And Jesus says, "If a man snatches your coat, also give him your shirt immediately. " Why? -- because it is possible the man may feel embarrassed taking the shirt away from you. And Jesus says, "If someone asks you to carry his load for a mile, at the end of the mile ask him if he would like you to carry it further. " What does this mean? This means that by accepting the facts of life totally concerning insecurity, failure, defeat, and finally death, we conquer them all. Otherwise, these facts eventually lead us nowhere but to death. In the final analysis, death is our total defeat. Even in the biggest defeats, you still survive; although defeated, you continue to exist. But in death even you are annihilated as well. Death is the biggest defeat of all; thats why we want to kill our enemy -- there is no other reason. Death is the ultimate defeat; after that there is no possibility for the enemy to win, ever. The urge to kill an enemy comes from our desire to inflict on him the ultimate defeat. After that there is no way he can ever be a winner, because then he exists no more. Death is the final defeat, and we all want to run away from it. And remember also, the man who attempts to escape his own death will continue to work towards the killing of others. The more he succeeds in killing others, the more alive he will feel. Hence, the reason for all the violence in the world is totally different from what people ordinarily take it to be. The reason for this violence is not that it is caused because people dont drink unstrained water or they eat after sunset, no, it is nothing of that sort. The fundamental reason for violence is that man kills others to forget about his own death. Killing others, he believes no one can kill him, because now he himself has the power to kill. Hitler, Genghis Khan, and other such people, killed millions in order to assure themselves that "No one can kill me, since I kill millions myself. " By killing others we try to be free of our own death, we want to confirm our independence. The assumption is that, when we ourselves are capable of killing people, who can kill us? Deep down, this is avoiding death. Deep down, a violent man is an escapist from death. And one who wants to save himself from death can never be nonviolent. Only he who declares, "I accept death, for death is one of the facts of life -- it is a reality," can be a nonviolent person. One can never deny death. Where will you run from it? Where will you go? The sun begins to set the moment it rises. A sunset is as much a reality as the sunrise -- the difference is only of direction. At sunset, the sun reaches exactly where it was at sunrise -- but at sunrise it is in the east, whereas at sunset it is in the west. Birth is on one side, death is on the other. That which is ascending on one side is declining on the other. The rising and the setting go together -- the setting, in fact, lies hidden in the rising. Death lies hidden in birth. There is no way that one who knows that such is the case can ever deny it. Then he accepts everything. Then he lives this truth. He knows it, he sees it, and he accepts it. With acceptance comes transformation. When I say "triumph over death," I mean that as soon as a person accepts death he laughs, because he comes to know there is no death. Only the outer sheath is formed and unformed. The ocean has always been; it is only the wave which has taken form and then disintegrated. Beauty was always around -- the flowers bloomed and withered away. Light always shone -- the sun rose and set. And that which shone with the rising and setting of the sun was forever present, before sunrise and after sunset. But this we will come to see only when we have seen death, when we have had the vision of death, when we have encountered death face-to-face -- never before. So the friend asks: "Why should we think about death? Why not forget it? Why not just live?" I would like to say to him that, forgetting death, no one has ever lived, nor can anyone ever live. And one who ignores death also ignores life. It is just as if I have a coin in my hand and I say, "Why bother about the reverse side of the coin? Why not just forget it?" If I give up the reverse side, then I will lose the front side of the coin too, because both make two sides of the same coin. It isnt possible to save one side of the coin and throw the other side on the street. How can this be possible? With the one I keep, the other side will automatically be saved. If I throw away one, both will be thrown away; if I save one, both will be saved. Actually, both are aspects of the same thing. Birth and death are two aspects of the same life. The day one realizes this, not only does the sting of death depart, the thought of not dying disappears as well. Then one comes to know that birth is there and so is death. Both comprise bliss. We get up every morning and go to work. Somebody goes and digs ditches Different people do different jobs -- people sweat the whole day. There is a joy in getting up in the morning, but isnt it equally joyful to sleep at night? If a few madmen were to start convincing people not to sleep at night, then getting up in the morning would also stop, because the man who wouldnt sleep wouldnt be able to wake up in the morning either. The whole of life would come to a halt. One might feel afraid to go to bed, arguing, "It is such a joy to wake up in the morning, it is better not to fall asleep or else it will spoil the whole charm of waking up. " But we know this is ridiculous: sleeping is the other side of waking up. One who sleeps right will wake up right. One who wakes up right will sleep right. One who lives properly will die properly. One who dies properly will take the right steps in his future life. One who does not die in a right manner will not live rightly. One who does not live rightly will not die rightly. It will be a mess; everything will become ugly and distorted. The fear of death is responsible for creating the ugliness and the distortion. If a fear of falling asleep were to overtake somebody, it would make life difficult. An old lady was brought to me by her son. He said his mother was too afraid to fall asleep. I asked him, "How did this happen?" He said, "She has been ill lately, and she feels she may die in her sleep, so she is afraid of falling asleep. She fears she wont wake up once she goes to sleep, so she keeps trying to stay up the whole night. We are in big trouble. She isnt recovering from her illness because she stays up all night, afraid she may not wake up alive. Please do something and save her from this fear; otherwise I am in great trouble. " In a way, sleeping is like dying every day. The whole day we are alive; the whole night we are dead. This is like dying in parts, dying a bit every day. We dive within ourselves at night and come out refreshed in the morning. By the time we are seventy or eighty, the body is worn out. Then death takes over. And with that, this body goes through a complete change. But we are very scared of death, although it is nothing more than a deep sleep. Do you know that the body undergoes change overnight and comes out different every morning? The change is so minimal you dont notice it. The change is not total, it is a partial transformation. When you go to bed at night, tired and weary, your body is in one state, and when you wake up in the morning it is in a different state. In the morning the body feels fresh and rejuvenated; it is filled with energy, ready to face another day of activity. Now, once again, you can sing new songs, something you couldnt do the previous evening. Then you were tired, broken, worn out. You have never wondered however, why there is so much fear of death. When you wake up in the morning you feel happy, because only a part of your body changes in sleep -- but death, on the other hand, brings about a complete change. The whole body becomes useless and the need arises to acquire a new body. But we are scared of death and so our whole life has become totally crippled. Every moment is filled with fear of death. Because of this fear we have created a life, a society, a family which lives the least but fears death the most. And one who fears death can never live -- both things cannot exist together. The man who is ready to meet death with absolute spontaneity, he alone is ready to live as well. Life and death are both aspects of the same phenomenon. Thats why I say: look at death. I am not asking you to think about death, because such thinking will mislead you. Thinking about death, what will you do? A sick and miserable man may find it gratifying to think that everything ends in death. The thought is gratifying to this man not because it is right. Remember, never believe that what seems pleasing to you is necessarily true, because what feels pleasing does not depend on what is true, it depends on what you think of as convenient. A person who is miserable, troubled, sick and in pain feels he should meet a total death, that nothing should be left behind -- because if any part of him does survive, then it would obviously mean he would survive . he, the miserable, sick individual. Question 2 A FRIEND HAS ASKED: SOME PEOPLE COMMIT SUICIDE. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THEM? ARE THESE PEOPLE NOT AFRAID OF DEATH? They are afraid of death too. But they are more afraid of life than of death. Life seems more painful to them than death; hence they want to finish it. Putting an end to their lives does not mean they find any joy in death, but since life appears worse than death to them, they prefer death. One who is miserable, living in pain, will readily believe that death takes everything away -- including the soul -- that death leaves nothing behind. He obviously does not want to save any part of himself, because if he does he will be saving nothing but his misery and pain. One who is afraid of death and wants to save himself, readily accepts the belief in the immortality of the soul. These are all conveniences. It does not show understanding, it merely shows our concern for convenience. This sort of acceptance feels comfortable, thats all. Thats why we change our beliefs many times. A man who was an atheist in his youth becomes a theist in his old age. In fact, the truth is that beliefs change with headaches. When the head has no pain we follow one set of beliefs; with a headache these beliefs are replaced by another set. It is hard to say how much the scriptures affect your belief system and how much your liver does! One cant be sure whether gurus or the liver affect it more! What goes on inside the body has a greater effect. When the stomach is upset one feels like becoming an atheist, and when the stomach is okay one feels like believing in God! How can a man possibly believe that there is a God when he has a headache? If God exists and so does the headache, how can you connect the two? We can run an experiment. Take fifty men and infect them with chronic diseases, and keep the other fifty in good health. Let the first fifty live in misery and let the other fifty live happy lives. You will find that atheism will increase in the former group and theism will increase in the latter group. It is not that happiness is caused by believing in God; a miserable mind inevitably becomes atheistic. So remember, if you see atheism increasing around the world, know well that misery must be on the increase too. If you see an increasing number of people believing in God, you should know that more and more people are becoming happy. I say to you, therefore, that in the next fifty years there is a great possibility that Russia will become theistic and India will become even more atheistic. Beliefs dont mean anything. In Russia people read Marx, while in India you read Mahavira -- this makes no difference. The works of Mahavira and Marx cannot make the least difference. If people were to go on becoming happier in Russia, then in the next fifty years theism would revive there and the bells would begin to ring in Russian temples. Lamps would be lit and prayers would be chanted. Only a happy mind rings bells in the temple, kindles lamps and chants prayers. People would begin to thank God. Only a happy mind wishes to thank somebody, and who else should one thank? -- because a man can find no reasons for the presence of inner happiness, so he thanks the unknown; it must be because of it. An unhappy mind wants to express its anger. And when the