第18章 16

Is everyone ready for the big dance? How can we have a dance with only two women? The women will just have to dance twice as hard. Edmund claims the first dance. No, that is for the Dead Father. Happiness of the Dead Father. The Dead Father and Julie dancing. Edmund and Emma dancing.

Thomas performing upon the kazoo. Alexander upon the flute. Sam upon the banjo. The "Immigration Waltz" performed. Light from the bonfires. Is that horseman still following us? Yes, still. You dance very well. Yes I do dance very well. You dance pretty well. Thank you. Its kind of hard to dance with this leg.

No really I mean its very smooth, considering, but to tell the truth I really think this is a terrible dance. Why? Theres nobody here. Im here. Yes you but theres nobody else nobody new. Do you want somebody new? I always want somebody new. Whats so good about somebody new? Hes new. The newness.

Thats a little insulting to those of us who are not new. Tuff titty. Why do you keep looking around? Looking for somebody new. Who sent out the invitations? Who hired the band? Who laid on the champagne? Who hung the crepe paper? Who lit the bonfires? Wish theyd play something else.

What do you want to hear? Something new. Anything new? Anything new. How about "Midnight in Moscow"? Thats not new. I know but its pretty. Cant dance to it its too slow. Youre a little picky. I am a little picky. What? I am a little picky. I know that. Tell me something new.

Dont know anything new. I know that. What? Who are those people over there? I dont know they may be the horseman who has been following us or some of his friends. Attracted by the music probably. No theyre not theyre new. The horseman who has been following us is not new. They seem sort of dark and furry.

Yes now that I look closely theyre apes. Yes I see what you mean they do appear to be apes. One two three four five apes. Yes theyre tapping their feet to the music. Whats the tune. Its the "Crabapple Stomp." I always liked that one. Me too the only thing wrong with it is that its not new, do you think they want to dance?

What? Do you think they want to dance, the apes? Ask them but maybe they would hold on too tightly. Ill take a chance. Theyre new. Maybe they would crush you with their incredibly powerful arms. That would be new. Probably they smell terribly. That would be new too Im tired of all you sweet-smellers.

Whats that music? Thats the "Carborundum Waltz." I was always fond of waltzes. I remember -- Look shes not scared of the apes shes asked one to dance. He dances pretty well, for an ape. Whose idea was having this dance in the first place? It was the Dance Committee. Well it breaks the monotony I suppose.

Yes I suppose it does that, in a sense. I think some are male and some female the smaller ones are female, probably. Yes theyre slightly more graceful than the males. Im going to dance with one. Leave me here in the middle of the floor? It will be new. Yes it will be new but I think its slightly insulting to be dancing with a person and then leave that person alone in the middle of the floor and go off and dance with an ape.

You can have the dance after this one. Ill write your name on my dance card. I dont particularly want to dance with someone after that someone has been dancing with an ape. Can you talk at all? (Silence.) Nothing? (Silence.) Thats new. (Silence.) You apes live around here in the dense underbrush and move in and out among the trees seeking fruits and vegetables? (Silence.) Well you certainly are accomplished dancers except perhaps maybe youre holding me a little tight? (Silence.) Thank you thats better I suppose theres no point in asking you your name is it all right if I call you Hector? (Silence.) Are any of the females your wife or girl friend I mean, I suppose you dance with each other a lot at night or at festival times special occasions Hector therell probably be repercussions about this the men dont like it I can see that would you like a plate of chicken or something oh I forgot youre not a meateater and probably it would be wrong of me to get you started but there are some little cakes and things and I think Kool-Aid or the equivalent things change their names so fast these days Im not sure its still called Kool-Aid may be just grape juice with a little something added to zip it up ouch! doesnt matter it was my fault where did you go to school excuse me that was a dumb question its just that when youre dancing you usually feel like you ought to make conversation and its a little hard when the other person doesnt say anything. (Silence.) Well Ive certainly enjoyed this dance it was new can I introduce you to one of the other members of our party whos a good dancer too lots of zest and a good personality youll be surprised some people think shes prettier than I although thats not the sort of thing I can comment on can I ha ha just come on over here for a moment and Ill introduce you oh my shes dancing already well would you like to just sort of sit this one out what a grip, lightly, lightly, thats better you do understand quite a lot dont you an amazing amount considering would you excuse me for a moment I have to go to the ladies room or I mean I must leave you for a moment Hector let go of my hand now Ill come back and well chat some more I promise Hector let go now dont be a -- This is Emma. Emma, Hector. Hector, Emma. He likes to dance that I can tell you and dont be afraid hes really very sweet and quite new, a new experience I can promise you that. Thomas approaches and asks Julie to dance. Julie says that she is willing to dance with Thomas. I saw you dancing with that ape. Yes I was dancing with that ape his name is Hector I mean thats not really his name I dont suppose I just called him that. Did you want to go to bed with him? Never occurred to me I just wanted to try it, is all. Are you sure you dont have a fantasy of going to bed with him you were dancing quite close I saw it. Well he tends to hold on very tightly I dont think its sexual so much I just think he likes to hold on to everything very tightly I mean I think thats the way he holds on to things. Very tightly. Well it made me feel funny to see you dancing with him and talking to him and all that and you certainly looked like you were having a high old time. Well hes very pleasant and sweet and believe me I had my work cut out for me just keeping the conversation going youve nothing to be jealous about nothing whatsoever Im surprised at you jealous of an ape whats that music? Its the "Registration Waltz." He certainly knows his way around a banjo. Yes I didnt know he played banjo I knew he played guitar of course but I didnt know he played banjo. I didnt even know we had a banjo but Sam has been carrying it all this way and a pocket cornet too you should see it its only about eight or nine inches long but he gets a lot of sound out of it theyre made in Warsaw he told me amazing how much musical talent you find around almost everybody can play something a little bit. Yes I believe the Dead Father plays nine instruments he told me once what they were eight or nine but he can certainly make a banjo sing I think this was a good idea dont you everybody seems to be having a good time whose idea was it? Edmunds. And Emmas. Whats that theyre playing now? Its the "Penetration Waltz" I believe. And the apes coming, crashing I suppose but I dont care, gives you a feeling of newness always good to meet new people get an idea of what others are like new perspectives as it were I wish they could talk almost made a mistake and offered Hector some chicken salad probably a bad idea to get them started. The Dead Father looks quite happy doesnt he almost benign one could almost forget about his wood chisels and all the rest of it seeing him sitting here keeping time with his mechanical leg and doing that what do they call it trailing I think I wonder where he learned that the old bastard knows a lot of different things you have to hand it to him product I suppose of his long years of. . . Ouch! Im sorry probably my fault do you want to get a little taste of something Im thirsty look at that! that ape just knocked Edmund down now hes picking him up again now hes knocking him down again oh God we dont want a melee youd better break it up maybe we could organize a lady-in-the-lake or something you try to get the apes in one line and Ill line up our people let me see twenty-three less the three playing plus five apes means roughly twelve on a side. Well need a caller, Thomas said, Ill do that, that means twelve on a side. The lines formed. The trio begins The Titanium Polka." Honor your partner, Thomas said, all gather round, theres a great day comin, lets run it in the ground. Emma and Hector do-si-do-ing down the lines. This is the best dance I have ever been to! Emma exclaimed.