第7章 A Victorian Fable(with Glossary)

The Village, take a fright. In the rookeries. Here the sloops of war and the dollymops flash it to spie a dowry of parny; there the bonneters cooled their longs and shorts in the hazard drums. In every snickert and ginnel, bone-grubbers, rufflers, shivering-jemmies, anglers, clapperdogeons, peterers, sneeze-lurkers and Whip Jacks with their morts, out of the picaroon, fox and flimp and ogle.

A Hopping Giles gets a bloody Jemmy on the cross of a cut-throat; the snotters crib belchers, birds eye wipes, blue billies and Randals men. In a boozing ken in the Holy Land, a dunk-horned cutter -- a cock-eyed clack box in flashy benjamin and blood red fancy -- shed a tear by the I desire. But when he got the water of life down the common sewer, he bullyragged so antiscripturally that the barney hipped and nabbed the rust.

"This shove in the mouth makes me shoot the cat! Me dumpling depot is fair all-overish!" He certainly had his hump up. He absquatulated. The bung cried: "Square the omee for the cream of the valley!" But the splodger had mizzled with his half-a-grunter. At his ruggy carser, his poll -- a killing, ginger-hackled skull-thatcher -- kept on the nose for her jomer.

She had faked the rubber for her mendozy and got him up an out and out glorious sinner. There was an alderman in chains, a Ben Flake, a neddy of Sharps Alley blood worms, with Irish apricots, Joe Savace and storrac. "Pray God," she said, "that he be neither beargeared, bleary, blued, primed, lumpy, top-heavy, moony, scammered, on the ran-tan, ploughed, muddled, obfuscated, swipy, kisky, sewed up nor all mops and brooms! Or that he hasnt lapped the gutter, cant see a hole in a ladder or been to Bungay Fair and lose both his legs!"

But what a flare-up in the soush! He dropped into her on the spot. Hed got a capital twist for a batty fang and he showed her it was dragging time; she was sick as a horse. He was a catchy fancy-bloke. "You mouldy old bed-fagot, you rotten old gooseberry pudden, you ugly old Gill, you flea-ridden old moll!" he blasted. "Ill give you jessie, you Mullingar heifer!"

A barnacled cove (a spoffy blackberry swagger with a Newgate fringe) from the top floor back sang out: "Knife it, you head beetler! Stow faking!" But got a stunning fag on the twopenny that sent him half-way to Albertopolis. She had bought the rabbit with that slubberdegullion. He peppered her and clumped her and leathered her till she went flop down on the Rory OMore and then he stepped it for the frog and toad, to go to Joe Blake the Bartlemy.

He hopped the twig on her. "He ought to go to the vertical care-grinder!" she chived. "He ought to be marinated! Ill never poll up with a liver-faced, chatty, beef-headed, cupboard-headed, culver-headed, fiddle-faced, glumpish, squabby dab tros like him again! "Im fairly in half-mourning -- it wont fadge, it just wont fadge. He gives me the Jerry go Nimbles. Ill stun him -- Ill streak. Ill pick up my sticks and cut."

So she bolted and took a speel on the drum to the top of Rome. On Shitten Saturday, the worms pinned that scaly shaver of hers in a Tom and Jerry for starring the glaze; he went over the stile at Spike Park and got topped. Glossary Village, the London take a fright night (rhyming slang) rookeries a slow neighbourhood inhabited by dirty

Irish and thieves sloop of war, a whore (rhyming slang) dollymop, a a tawdrily dressed maid-servant, a streetwalker flash it, to show it, to display ones wares dowry of parny, aa lot of rain bonneter, a one who induces another to gamble cool, to to look, to look over (back slang) longs and shorts cards made for cheating

hazard drum, a gambling dens, where the honest escape penniless, if at all snickert, a low alley way ginnel, a still lower alley way bone-grubber, a a person who hunts dust-holes, gutters, and all likely spots for refuse bones, which he sells at the ragshops, or to the bone- merchants

ruffler, a beggar pretending to be an old, maimed soldier shivering-jemmy, a a begger who exposes himself, half-naked, on a cold day to obtain alms. This occupation is unpleasant but exceedingly lucrative angler, an a thief who goes about with a rod, having a hook at the end, which he inserts into open windows at night on the chance of a catch clapperdogeon, aa beggar who uses children, either of his own or borrowed, in order to stir the sympathy of the charitable shed a tear, to to take a dram or glass of neat spirits; jocular phrase used, with a sort of grim earnestness, by old topers. The origin may have been that ardent spirits, taken neat by younger persons, usually bring water to their eyes I desire fire (rhyming slang) water of life gin (from aqua vitae?) common sewer the throat bullyrag, to to abuse or scold violently; to swindle out of money by intimidation and sheer abuse antiscriptural adj - applied to oaths when they are composed of foul language barney the company hip, to to be offended nab the rust, to to take offence shove in the mouth, a glass of spirits shoot the cat, to vomit dumpling depot belly all-overish adj. -- sick, unwell, out of order have ones hump up, to to be in a fearful rage absquatulate, to depart from an establishment without paying ones score bung landlord square, to to settle a bill omee man-in-charge; governor; landlord (when used by a landlord about himself) cream of the valley gin splodger lout mizzle, to to depart with great speed; to vanish half-a-grunter sixpence ruggy adj. -- frowsty, unclean carser house, home poll young lady with whom a gentleman is having an irregular relationship killing adjective of high commendation; outstanding; unique ginger-hackled adj. -- having auburn or flaxen hair skull-thatcher a straw-bonnet maker on the nose, to be on the look-out jomer sweetheart fake the rubber, to stand treat in an extravagant manner mendozy dear, darling; a term of endearment probably from the valiant fighter, Mendoza out and out adj. -- first-rate; splendid glorious sinner dinner (rhyming slang) alderman in chains, an a turkey hung with sausages Ben Flake, aa steak (rhyming slang) neddy, a a large quantity of commodity, as in "a neddy of fruit", "a neddy of fish" Sharps Alley blood worms black puddings. Sharps Alley was very recently a noted slaughtering place near Smithfield Irish apricots potatoes Joe Savage cabbage (rhyming slang) storrac carrots (back slang) beargeared bleary blued primed lumpy top-heavy moony scammered on the ran-tan - adjectives and phrases denoting various stages of ploughed drunkenness muddled obfuscated swipy kisky sewed up all mops and brooms lap the gutter, to not be able to see a hole in the ladder, to / go to a Bungay Fair and to have reached the ultimate degree of intoxication. In the lose both legs, to Ancient Egyptian language, the determinative character of the hieroglyphic verb "to be drunk" has the significant form of the leg of a man being amputated flare-up, a row soush house (back slang) drop into somebody, to give them an unprovoked beating twist appetite, eg "Wills got a capital twist for a Ben Flake" or, in the case of the hero of our anecdote, a capital twist for. . . batty fang, aa sound beating, a drubbing dragging time the evening of a country fair day, when the young fellows begin pulling the wenches about sick as a horse popular simile denoting extreme ennui catchy inclined to take undue advantage fancy-bloke gentleman friend bed-fagot bed companion gooseberry pudden woman (rhyming slang) Gill terms of disapprobation applied to females Moll blast, to to curse give jessie, to to commit assault and battery upon someone Mullingar heifer said of a lady whose ankles are "beefy", or thick. A term of Irish origin. It is said that a traveller passing through Mullingar was so struck with this pecularity in the local women that he determined to accost the first he met next. "May I ask," said he, "if you wear hay in your shoes?" "Faith, an what if I do?" said the girl. "Because," says the traveller, "that accounts for the calves of your legs coming down to feed on it." barnacled adj. -- applied to a wearer of spectacles (corruption of Latin binnoculi?). Derived by some from the barnacle (Lepas Anatifera), a kind of conical shell adhering to ships bottoms. Hence a marine term for goggles, and for which they are used by sailors in a case of ophthalmic derangement cove or covey; a man or boy of any age spoffy adj. -- officious, intrusive blackberry swagger a person who hawks tapes, bootlaces, etc. Newgate fringe, a the collar of beard worn under the chin; so called from its indicating the position of the rope when Jack Ketch operates sing out, to exclaim in a loud voice knife it, to to stop, to bring to a halt stow faking, to to cease evil activity stunning adj. -- astounding fag blow twopenny head Albertopolis a facetious appelation given by Villagers to the Kensington Gore district buy the rabbit, to make a bad bargain; obtain a deal of trouble and inconvenience by some action slubberdegullion worthless wretch pepper, to clump, to - degrees of beating leather, to / flop down, to go to collapse totally Rory OMore floor (rhyming slang) step it, to abscond frog and toad main road (rhyming slang) Joe Blake the to visit a low woman in a house of ill-repute Bartlemy, to go to hop the twig, to to run away; to leave someone in the lurch vertical care-grinder treadmill chive, to to shout marinated, to be transported; from the salt pickling herrings undergo in Cornwall poll up, to to live with a member of the opposite sex in a state of unmarried impropriety liver-faced adj. -- mean, cowardly chatty adj. -- infested with lice beef-headed adj.-- stupid cupboard-headed an expression designating one whose head is both wooden and hollow culver-headed adj. -- weak and stupid fiddle-faced adj. -- applied to those with wizened countenances glumpish adj. -- of a stubborn, sulky temper (our hero certainly fits the bill here!) squabby adj. -- fat, short and thick dab tros bad sort (back slang) in half-mourning, to be to have sustained a black eye, or "mouse", in the course of a tussle fadge, it wont expression meaning "it just wont do", or "it just wont work" Jerry go Nimbles diarrhoea stun, to to astonish streak, to to abscond pick up ones sticks and to collect ones possessions and leave an establishment cut, to without notice; to do a "moonlight flit" bolt, to to run away, escape a speel on the to take a trip to the country drum, to take top of Rome home (rhyming slang) Shitten Saturday corruption of "Shut-in Saturday"; the day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday worm policeman pin, to to arrest, to apprehend scaly adj. -- unpleasant, disgusting shaver young person Tom and Jerry, a a drinking shop star the glaze, to to break the window or show-glass of a jeweller or other tradesman, and take any valuable articles and run away. Sometimes the glass is cut with a diamond, and a strip of leather fastened to the piece of glass cut out to keep it from falling in and making a noise. Another plan is to cut the sash go over the stile, to to go for trial (rhyming slang) Spike Park the Queens Bench prison topped, to be to be executed. Which the brute richly deserved